Mask or Menance IC Contact Post

[failureisntachoice]

[ An automated voice speaks because someone hasn't bothered to set up a proper voicemail. The only part in her voice is her name. ] You have reached Agent Texas. Leave a message at the tone.

Comments

[buildsfriends]

I don't want a ring! I want something else. I don't know what yet. And I probably won't get rings for them, since rings are just for best friends and people who wanna get married. I just want to get them regular presents.

[failureisntachoice]

I'm only escorting you to the jewelry store. You want to go to any other places, I'm going to have to charge you.

[buildsfriends]

Umm will I still have enough to get all the presents? [because like that makes sense, you have to pay tex to do almost anything]

[failureisntachoice]

How about I take whatever's left over. [ That is a long list of people and she doesn't think Caboose knows how to 'budget.' Gift prices are going to go all over the place. ]

[buildsfriends]

Oh, okay! Yeah, that sounds pretty fair. Thanks a lot, Tex!

Man, I am so excited! Techno Rave Church and 80s Rock Church are gonna love their rings SO MUCH!

[failureisntachoice]

Do I want to know why you're calling them that now?

[buildsfriends]

Oh yeah, uh, Small Church didn't like being called Small Church. Or not First Church. So I came up with some different names to make him happy.

[failureisntachoice]

And they like being called by crappy music genres? [ She's guessing no. ]

[buildsfriends]

Yep! That's pretty much Small Church's new favorite thing. [wrong incorrect that's the lesser of like eight evils]

[buildsfriends]

Oh hey Tex! Do you want a different name too? So if I'm talking about Mean Tex and then You Tex, you know which one I'm telling a story about?

[failureisntachoice]

Let's stick with calling me Tex and you can call the other one the mean one. I'll know who you mean.

[buildsfriends]

You got it, Less Mean Tex!

I'm ready to go to the store whenever!

[failureisntachoice]

...Just tell me where to pick you up and keep your money safe.

action

[buildsfriends]

[Tex has to get the location of Caboose's house out of Freckles, but at least it's there. And when she arrives he's clutching his envelope of cash and waiting for her by the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He's going to get both Churches the best rings ever, and then they'll both be happy and love Caboose So Much, and then be okay with each other and be okay with Tex and then everyone will want to live together again.

Heck. Caboose might be so happy about it, he may even get Tucker something for when he comes back. Maybe he'll even get stuff for Grif and the other Reds, for when they show up!]

Hello Tex! Man, it is really great to see you! Thank you for helping me even though you must be soooo jealous.

[failureisntachoice]

[ Why is she doing this again?

Oh right, he's paying her. There's a long sigh as she makes her way towards Caboose's location. This is going to be a long trip if he has plans to get presents for every damn person he knows. Maybe she can steer him towards the cheaper selection of things to save more of that money for herself.

She doesn't bother waving when Caboose greets her, she simply motions for him to follow. Her words are flat as she replies. ]

Yeah. I'm soooo jealous, I can't believe you're getting all your friends presents except me.

[buildsfriends]

Tex, ch. [verbal eyerolling here, trotting along just behind her] I can't go shopping for your present where you can see. I will have to do it when you're gone, obviously. [since when did you have the spine to sass agent texas you stupid little blueberry]

[failureisntachoice]

Are you going to have any money left to get me something once I leave? [ Because trust her, the sass is going to cost him extra in the end. She'll be keeping tally of time spent on this excursion and the amount of hassle it is. ]

[buildsfriends]

Probably not! [Leash this kid's spending habits so you can get some of that cash, Tex. Lead him over to the discount shelves.

Getting to the mall isn't the difficult part, but getting Caboose to pay attention to one thing long enough to decide if he wants to buy it is a whole other matter. There are so many bright lights and colors and sounds and smells that he's practically vibrating, running from one sign to another, and then a goddamn mini train toots by outside of the store they're currently in and he almost loses his mind.]

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD TEX IT'S A SMALL TRAIN, IT'S A TRAIN, I WILL BUY THAT TRAIN FOR ME

[failureisntachoice]

[ The longer she tries to corral Caboose in the direction of the cheaper stores, the more she wonders if this is even worth the effort. She really should have asked to count up his money before agreeing to this trip.

and now he's freaking out over a train. She lets out a long, suffering sigh as she follows him over to the latest distraction. ]

Caboose, you're here to buy shit for other people. Ask Wash for a goddamn train for Christmas. [ Because why spend that much money on a train for yourself when you can make Wash do it. ]

[buildsfriends]

[The threat of physical violence (or physical violence itself, such as head-cuffing or ear-pulling) gets Caboose back on track more often than not. He picks up something for everybody and all his gifts make sense to him, which is the important thing here.

He saves the rings for last- or rather, they save the rings for last, because Caboose has no idea what to get so his budget was probably going to influence all of it. Not that it particularly matters, because the second either Church gets a ring from Caboose they're probably going to a) scream at him b) black out from horror c) lie and say they like it with a long-suffering sigh before pawning it off somewhere for the cash.]

Hmmm, hmm hmm hmm...Tex, which ones should I get?

[failureisntachoice]

[ This was the big ticket item on his budget and she's not about to watch him blow the remainder of his cash on something she knows Church isn't going to want from the kid. The best part about the mall is that within eye-shot of the jewelry store, there's a candy store. And she knows just what kind of ring would be perfect for this situation. ]

You know what I always here them talk about? Wanting a snack that they can carry around like a ring. I think they have some over there.

[ She motions towards the brightly colored candy store. Surely it won't take much to get him to go over there... ]

[buildsfriends]

OH MY GOD CANDY JEWELRY [yeah no ushering required he's already in there

how did he get over there so fast]

THERE ARE BRACELETS AND NECKLACES

I AM GOING TO GET THEM A WHOLE CANDY SET- OH MY GOD TEX THERE ARE SHARKS, I CAN GET YOUR PRESENT HERE AFTER ALL

[failureisntachoice]

[ W H E L P. The price of his ring purchases just went down significantly. Give her a minute to get there, she's in no rush to join him in the candy store. ]

You don't need to get me shark gummies. [ Seriously. Not that she could stop the candy train once it starts. Even she's not that strong. ]

Pick out some jewelry for them and wrap them up in some construction paper or whatever you have laying around the house to give them.

[buildsfriends]

This is a serious present, [Caboose tells her as he picks out a complete set of candy 'jewelry' for each Church.] Construction paper isn't good enough. They will need the funnies section of the newspaper.

[A l s o getting candy for himself, shhh, nothing to see here.]

[failureisntachoice]

[ ...Right, because newspaper is more serious than construction paper. She's rolling her eyes, but not at all surprised he thinks that. It's better not to argue with Caboose.

Flatly: ] Are you going to use glitter tape, too?

[ And she might be reaching to try to swat his hand away from some of the candy. You do not need to go home with that much sugar, Caboose. ]