Mask or Menance IC Contact Post

[failureisntachoice]

[ An automated voice speaks because someone hasn't bothered to set up a proper voicemail. The only part in her voice is her name. ] You have reached Agent Texas. Leave a message at the tone.

Comments

[buildsfriends]

Probably not! [Leash this kid's spending habits so you can get some of that cash, Tex. Lead him over to the discount shelves.

Getting to the mall isn't the difficult part, but getting Caboose to pay attention to one thing long enough to decide if he wants to buy it is a whole other matter. There are so many bright lights and colors and sounds and smells that he's practically vibrating, running from one sign to another, and then a goddamn mini train toots by outside of the store they're currently in and he almost loses his mind.]

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD TEX IT'S A SMALL TRAIN, IT'S A TRAIN, I WILL BUY THAT TRAIN FOR ME

[failureisntachoice]

[ The longer she tries to corral Caboose in the direction of the cheaper stores, the more she wonders if this is even worth the effort. She really should have asked to count up his money before agreeing to this trip.

and now he's freaking out over a train. She lets out a long, suffering sigh as she follows him over to the latest distraction. ]

Caboose, you're here to buy shit for other people. Ask Wash for a goddamn train for Christmas. [ Because why spend that much money on a train for yourself when you can make Wash do it. ]

[buildsfriends]

[The threat of physical violence (or physical violence itself, such as head-cuffing or ear-pulling) gets Caboose back on track more often than not. He picks up something for everybody and all his gifts make sense to him, which is the important thing here.

He saves the rings for last- or rather, they save the rings for last, because Caboose has no idea what to get so his budget was probably going to influence all of it. Not that it particularly matters, because the second either Church gets a ring from Caboose they're probably going to a) scream at him b) black out from horror c) lie and say they like it with a long-suffering sigh before pawning it off somewhere for the cash.]

Hmmm, hmm hmm hmm...Tex, which ones should I get?

[failureisntachoice]

[ This was the big ticket item on his budget and she's not about to watch him blow the remainder of his cash on something she knows Church isn't going to want from the kid. The best part about the mall is that within eye-shot of the jewelry store, there's a candy store. And she knows just what kind of ring would be perfect for this situation. ]

You know what I always here them talk about? Wanting a snack that they can carry around like a ring. I think they have some over there.

[ She motions towards the brightly colored candy store. Surely it won't take much to get him to go over there... ]

[buildsfriends]

OH MY GOD CANDY JEWELRY [yeah no ushering required he's already in there

how did he get over there so fast]

THERE ARE BRACELETS AND NECKLACES

I AM GOING TO GET THEM A WHOLE CANDY SET- OH MY GOD TEX THERE ARE SHARKS, I CAN GET YOUR PRESENT HERE AFTER ALL

[failureisntachoice]

[ W H E L P. The price of his ring purchases just went down significantly. Give her a minute to get there, she's in no rush to join him in the candy store. ]

You don't need to get me shark gummies. [ Seriously. Not that she could stop the candy train once it starts. Even she's not that strong. ]

Pick out some jewelry for them and wrap them up in some construction paper or whatever you have laying around the house to give them.

[buildsfriends]

This is a serious present, [Caboose tells her as he picks out a complete set of candy 'jewelry' for each Church.] Construction paper isn't good enough. They will need the funnies section of the newspaper.

[A l s o getting candy for himself, shhh, nothing to see here.]

[failureisntachoice]

[ ...Right, because newspaper is more serious than construction paper. She's rolling her eyes, but not at all surprised he thinks that. It's better not to argue with Caboose.

Flatly: ] Are you going to use glitter tape, too?

[ And she might be reaching to try to swat his hand away from some of the candy. You do not need to go home with that much sugar, Caboose. ]

[buildsfriends]

[Caboose has at least enough sense (or survival instincts) to not reach again for the stuff she smacks him away from. It means his own bag is lighter than he'd like, but at least he got some. Also he is still trying to sneak those gummy sharks.]

Yeah I'll probably get Mabel and Ripley to help me out? They're really good at making stuff look great. A And Mabel has twenty-seven different kinds of glitter.

[Tex played her game well. She's being handed an envelope with almost four hundred dollars in it, since that's what is left over. Caboose seems happy with his bags to dumb junk to give his friends anyway.] Thanks a lot for helping me, Tex! Everybody's gonna love their presents.

[failureisntachoice]

Don't glitter bomb the Churches' crap too much. [ Mainly because she does not want that around their house, potentially getting on her things.

She feels the heft of the envelope and yeah, that's enough to have made this worth the time. ] Yeah, I bet they will. Keep in touch.

[buildsfriends]

Uh, Tex, where are you going? [CLUTCHING HIS BAGS, probably crushing his gifts] Aren't we going to hang out some more?

[failureisntachoice]

I've got... Very important business to attend to. [ Yes. That's right. Super important business. ] Don't you have to go home and wrap your presents?

[buildsfriends]

We can have a wrapping party! I can wrap up the presents I got and you can- Uhhh wrap up your money! For yourself! I can wrap it up too if you want it to be a surprise. [UM YEAH YOU CAN'T GO YET he hasn't gotten over you dying and leaving forever thanks]

[failureisntachoice]

[ CABOOSE PLS.

Flatly: ] You want to wrap up my money. I've already seen it Caboose, it's not going to be a surprise.

[buildsfriends]

If you forget what it is, then it will be! And I can put it in a different shaped box so you can't tell what it is!

And- [His voice takes on a somewhat desperate tinge] and I can get more money! I can get it back home, so if you come home with me I can give it to you there!

[failureisntachoice]

[ Is... Is he trying to bribe her into spending more time with him? Do the others just leave him alone all the time or something? Something must be going on if he's clinging this badly to their time together.

There's a long moment where she stares at him before letting out a long sigh. Your persistence wins this time, Caboose. ] Do you live far from here? I can't stay all day.

[buildsfriends]

[GASPS

DROPS PRESENTS

TRIES TO GRAB FOR PICK UP HUG]

[failureisntachoice]

[ What the fuck is he- She's about ready to attempt to throw him down onto the ground until she realizes exactly what he's doing. He's getting a hug in, but she's trying to shove him the hell away two seconds into it. ]

I'm only going to say this once. Put me down!

[buildsfriends]

[She's a few hundred pounds of complex machinery and electronics hoisted up in the air in the middle of the mall, and Caboose has the dumb side of his dumb helmet mashed against her chestplate like he didn't just receive a promise of pain from the angel of death herself.

Nope, if anything, he squeezes tighter. She's made of sterner stuff than the Churches, and MUCH sterner stuff than squishy li'l Wash. She's getting a full force Caboose hug, even if that means he's gonna eat his faceplate for it.]

Thank you Tex! I'm so happy here. I can get things and give presents, and I can eat as much as I want and make new friends who won't die. And I can see you whenever I want so I don't get nervous when you go! It's so great! You can have all my money forever if you want it!

[failureisntachoice]

Goddammit, Caboose!

[ This is the opposite of putting her down. He's lucky she can't feel in the traditional sense or parts of her body would be going goddamn numb at the amount of pressure she's registering from this 'hug' of his.

His words would be so much sweeter if he wasn't trying to do this in a public place. As it stands, her first instinct is to knee him as hard as she can in the groin. That will make him drop her, right? ]

[buildsfriends]

[it results in both Tex being free and Caboose being curled up miserably on the ground, whimpering] Grif...I need your cone...give me your cone...

[the second it seems like Tex is moving even slightly further away though he grabs for her, pushing himself back up] Wait! Y-you'll still come hang out with me, right Tex?

[failureisntachoice]

[ And now he's muttering about a cone. Whatever bullshit Wash has put them through has really messed the kid up. She takes a step away and as soon as his hand is coming for her, she sidesteps it. ]

Depends. Are you going to try to hug me again?

[buildsfriends]

[peeks up at her] What is the right answer to make you come to my house?

[failureisntachoice]

The one where you don't touch me ever again without asking.

[buildsfriends]

[extremely seriously:] Then my answer is the thing you just said.