Mask or Menance IC Contact Post

[failureisntachoice]

[ An automated voice speaks because someone hasn't bothered to set up a proper voicemail. The only part in her voice is her name. ] You have reached Agent Texas. Leave a message at the tone.

Comments

back to voice

[failureisntachoice]

[ . . .That is a lot more money than she expected. How has Caboose not blown it all on candy or something. ]

You know, maybe I should go ring shopping with you. To make sure you get the right ones.

[buildsfriends]

[candy is cheap and he makes fifty grand a year with all housing and utilities provided]

You'll go with me?! Aw gee Tex, that's really nice of you! You can have a ring too if you want one.

[failureisntachoice]

[ She is not about to underestimate Caboose's ability to blow a bunch of cash on random things. She can only assume he hasn't been down the "As seen on TV" aisle. ]

As long as you don't wander off and get exactly what I tell you to, sure. I'll come along.

[buildsfriends]

[just wait until the cable box gets installed at his house. no infomercial will pass by unnoticed]

Can I get one thing for me also? And something for Agent Washington? And Mabel and Ripley? And Agent Carolina?

[failureisntachoice]

[ Okay this shopping list is getting ridiculous already. ]

Caboose, I don't think you have enough money to get everyone you know rings.

[buildsfriends]

I don't want a ring! I want something else. I don't know what yet. And I probably won't get rings for them, since rings are just for best friends and people who wanna get married. I just want to get them regular presents.

[failureisntachoice]

I'm only escorting you to the jewelry store. You want to go to any other places, I'm going to have to charge you.

[buildsfriends]

Umm will I still have enough to get all the presents? [because like that makes sense, you have to pay tex to do almost anything]

[failureisntachoice]

How about I take whatever's left over. [ That is a long list of people and she doesn't think Caboose knows how to 'budget.' Gift prices are going to go all over the place. ]

[buildsfriends]

Oh, okay! Yeah, that sounds pretty fair. Thanks a lot, Tex!

Man, I am so excited! Techno Rave Church and 80s Rock Church are gonna love their rings SO MUCH!

[failureisntachoice]

Do I want to know why you're calling them that now?

[buildsfriends]

Oh yeah, uh, Small Church didn't like being called Small Church. Or not First Church. So I came up with some different names to make him happy.

[failureisntachoice]

And they like being called by crappy music genres? [ She's guessing no. ]

[buildsfriends]

Yep! That's pretty much Small Church's new favorite thing. [wrong incorrect that's the lesser of like eight evils]

[buildsfriends]

Oh hey Tex! Do you want a different name too? So if I'm talking about Mean Tex and then You Tex, you know which one I'm telling a story about?

[failureisntachoice]

Let's stick with calling me Tex and you can call the other one the mean one. I'll know who you mean.

[buildsfriends]

You got it, Less Mean Tex!

I'm ready to go to the store whenever!

[failureisntachoice]

...Just tell me where to pick you up and keep your money safe.

action

[buildsfriends]

[Tex has to get the location of Caboose's house out of Freckles, but at least it's there. And when she arrives he's clutching his envelope of cash and waiting for her by the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He's going to get both Churches the best rings ever, and then they'll both be happy and love Caboose So Much, and then be okay with each other and be okay with Tex and then everyone will want to live together again.

Heck. Caboose might be so happy about it, he may even get Tucker something for when he comes back. Maybe he'll even get stuff for Grif and the other Reds, for when they show up!]

Hello Tex! Man, it is really great to see you! Thank you for helping me even though you must be soooo jealous.

[failureisntachoice]

[ Why is she doing this again?

Oh right, he's paying her. There's a long sigh as she makes her way towards Caboose's location. This is going to be a long trip if he has plans to get presents for every damn person he knows. Maybe she can steer him towards the cheaper selection of things to save more of that money for herself.

She doesn't bother waving when Caboose greets her, she simply motions for him to follow. Her words are flat as she replies. ]

Yeah. I'm soooo jealous, I can't believe you're getting all your friends presents except me.

[buildsfriends]

Tex, ch. [verbal eyerolling here, trotting along just behind her] I can't go shopping for your present where you can see. I will have to do it when you're gone, obviously. [since when did you have the spine to sass agent texas you stupid little blueberry]

[failureisntachoice]

Are you going to have any money left to get me something once I leave? [ Because trust her, the sass is going to cost him extra in the end. She'll be keeping tally of time spent on this excursion and the amount of hassle it is. ]

[buildsfriends]

Probably not! [Leash this kid's spending habits so you can get some of that cash, Tex. Lead him over to the discount shelves.

Getting to the mall isn't the difficult part, but getting Caboose to pay attention to one thing long enough to decide if he wants to buy it is a whole other matter. There are so many bright lights and colors and sounds and smells that he's practically vibrating, running from one sign to another, and then a goddamn mini train toots by outside of the store they're currently in and he almost loses his mind.]

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD TEX IT'S A SMALL TRAIN, IT'S A TRAIN, I WILL BUY THAT TRAIN FOR ME

[failureisntachoice]

[ The longer she tries to corral Caboose in the direction of the cheaper stores, the more she wonders if this is even worth the effort. She really should have asked to count up his money before agreeing to this trip.

and now he's freaking out over a train. She lets out a long, suffering sigh as she follows him over to the latest distraction. ]

Caboose, you're here to buy shit for other people. Ask Wash for a goddamn train for Christmas. [ Because why spend that much money on a train for yourself when you can make Wash do it. ]

[buildsfriends]

[The threat of physical violence (or physical violence itself, such as head-cuffing or ear-pulling) gets Caboose back on track more often than not. He picks up something for everybody and all his gifts make sense to him, which is the important thing here.

He saves the rings for last- or rather, they save the rings for last, because Caboose has no idea what to get so his budget was probably going to influence all of it. Not that it particularly matters, because the second either Church gets a ring from Caboose they're probably going to a) scream at him b) black out from horror c) lie and say they like it with a long-suffering sigh before pawning it off somewhere for the cash.]

Hmmm, hmm hmm hmm...Tex, which ones should I get?